


Gone Girl

by bedlinens



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-17 12:36:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3529691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bedlinens/pseuds/bedlinens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day, Carol disappeared. This is a Daryl/Carol fanfic, if you're interested for more...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

One day, she just disappeared.

Not in the "eaten by a walker" kind of way, she just took her things and left. At least that what the guards at the door would tell Rick and Daryl when asking where Carol went.

She left.

 

_Believe me, I am shaking like a leaf posting this. My purpose is to see if people would be interested in reading that story just on that premise, knowing that for some reason, Carol left ASZ. I hope you will like or get along with my daring or stupid idea, and let me know if you want to read the rest._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So nervous posting this. This is the first part, of a few more (I haven't thought out how many chapters it will be split in, I'll work it out as I write I suppose but it shouldn't be a 20 chapter long story, more like 4-5). If you feel so inclined leave comments or kudos to let me know you were not disappointed and that you want more, it would totally make my day.
> 
> Here we go

Carol had disappeared one morning, and no one had been the wiser. The whole day went by without anybody noticing. All in all, it had been a normal day. 

Rick had become the unofficial leader of the ASZ and people were mostly okay with that. It reminded people of how things used to be before: Deanna was the pseudo elected leader and Rick was the one working behind the scenes, taking the decisions and making Deanna see things his way, with Maggie’s help, in a way that allowed the so-called official to pretend the decisions were hers. 

“Just like a real democracy”, Abraham had joked one night at dinner, when the group had gotten together.

Carol had laughed and raised her glass to their leader, and they had toasted to the Family, as they had come to refer to themselves. The rest of ASZ went along with it, with the nickname, saying every town needed some kind of mob. 

It was a status quo of some sort, and it worked. Maggie was right by Deanna’s side all the time, and she was faithful first to the family, then to Alexandria though she would never have said it to her boss. They all hoped one day the family and ASZ would become the same thing, that there would be no degree in loyalty, but truth be told, it was still a bit tough to relate with people who had been hiding behind walls for so long when Rick and his group had come and gone so many places, suffered so many losses, and taken so many blows. 

Some things had started happening, bringing people closer. For example, a group had been organized, for people who had lost someone to the virus, which basically meant everyone. After Sasha’s breakdown at the party all those weeks back, someone started spreading the idea that maybe people needed a place to talk about those losses. As Jessie and Deanna had said, and many other Alexandrians, one thing that bounded them all was the knowledge of loss, and the need to talk about it. Hence a parole group had been started.

Most people would thank Maggie and Reg for making it happen, but they hadn’t been the one to start the movement, they had just acted in it. It had proved to be a great idea though. People in Alexandria all thought they knew all about each other, but having an opportunity to speak about those they had lost had made them realize that while they were safe, they were not sound and they could only move forward as a group.

All in all, the bet they had taken coming up to join the Alexandrian had paid off, and things were ok. One could never say things were good or things were great, the world was still suffering a Zombie invasion, so until that was cured, god and great were words only to be used for people or food “this pie is good”, or “that chick is good in bed”. 

This had been the topic of another dinner night for the family, when and where it was okay to use the words good and great and other words. The word they were all starting to use even more was “normal”, and of all the words out there, it was by far the scariest. They often told each other and themselves not to be lulled into a false sense of security, that a herd could probably bring down the walls, that they had a good place now but that it could be gone the following day, but still sometimes, normal things happened, like Carl going to school, or Judith taking her first steps. 

The day Carol went missing, as fate would have it, was one of those days everybody would have described as “normal”. People did their job, interacted with one another, talked about making the place safer if possible, about possible runs, about possible new recruits. It had been an average day, until Daryl had come back from a run with Aaron and barged in Deanna’s office a few minutes later, asking:

“Where the fuck is Carol?”

Rick, who had been talking with Deanna and Maggie had been startled, especially when Daryl had gotten in his face and asked coldly, but ferally:

“Did you get all Rick-tator again, and banished her without asking anybody their opinion?”

Maggie had gotten up, ready to come in between the two men, but Rick had answered:

“What do you mean ‘where is Carol’?”

And Daryl could read in the eyes of his friend that he really had no clue the third of their unholy trinity had gone missing.

“Banishment, hum?” Deanna had said. “You banished people before?”

“Deanna, I know you’re a politician, and you have this knack for gathering Intel, but right now is really not the time to poke into our past behavioral patterns,” Maggie had said, before any of the men could have ripped the official’s head off. “Where could Carol be?” She then said, wringing her hands together.

“She did not go to the kitchen today,” Daryl said, observing the official who was observing them. “People thought she was sick. She is not at the house. In fact, all her belongings are gone.”

“We’ll find her,” Rick said, a hand on Maggie’s arm, in order to give her courage. “Daryl and I will go ask around. But we’ll find her.”

And ask they did. They learnt from the morning guards that they had let her out this morning, that she had said she was just taking a trip to find some herbs. Sure, she had been packing lots of guns when she had left, but according to Olivia, they had all been her weapons. The guards had been released from their shift an hour or so after she had left, around 5AM, and they had forgotten to mention to their replacement that Carol was out there, so nobody had worried when she hadn’t come back.

Stress and anxiety had taken a hold again on the family, and even Judith was crying nonstop. They all got together into the first house they had been given, the one where they had slept the first nights, and they had assessed the situation, away from the Alexandrians, who didn’t seem to care so much about where Carol had gone, as they were more worried about who would be doing the cooking when they couldn’t.

They looked at the situation a thousand different ways, making ridiculous hypothesis that they would crush one second later. Nobody wanted to say it, but it was plain as day: Carol had taken her things, and had gone off. She had actually disappeared.

When they went back to Deanna to let her know about this new development, she had looked at Daryl and said:

“No offense, but to me you were always the one we might lose one day or another this way.”

“You’d think that, hum?”

He hadn’t wanted to say anything more, processing this earth shattering event. 

Carol was gone, and she had left no trail, they had checked right away. Carol had disappeared, vanished.

They waited each day for her to come back, with a good explanation or not explanation at all if she didn’t feel like sharing. Daryl and Rick took turns with Michonne, Glenn, Abraham and Rosita in order to always have someone out, looking for her, in case she had decided to come back. It just made no sense to them, why would Carol decide to leave them? She was their matriarch, the female Rick, or maybe Rick had been the male Carol, but they were the two heads of this company. Rick was distressed to the core by her disappearance, feeling guilty for not having seen that she had been missing, and torturing himself wondering how long it would have taken him to see it. 

When a whole month went by without sign of her, the whole community was truly shaken up. The Alexandrians couldn’t understand how someone could decide to turn their precious lifestyle away. The family just didn’t understand, or if they did, they didn’t want to, and they pretended not to know. There were still a couple of theories going around but Daryl would cut those conversations short, and say that Carol would explain when she would be back. He never doubted that she would be. He always spoke of “when”, never of “if” she came back. He spent as much time as possible outside, Aaron tagging along on Rick’s suggestions, as the sheriff knew his friend and knew just how far he would go to get Carol back. Aaron made sure Daryl came back home every night, even if the hunter didn’t sleep a wink, or spent the night on the porch, waiting for her.

Normal had proven once again to be the most dangerous word in the English language.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking that there are 3 more parts here, maybe less, or maybe one more, depending on how I handle it. Please Read and review and let me know I'm on the right track. Just because this idea sounded wonderful in my head doesn't mean it was the best.  
> You can reach me here of course, or on tumblr, I'm tiramisu-misu.

No matter how much some of them wished for time to stop, in order to have the time to find their missing piece, life went on. The Alexandrians probably wished for time to stop so that they could have a walker free day, but the family wanted one day to be able to go full force, out there, everywhere, and bring back Carol.

It was obvious she had left, and while some believed she may have been strong-armed into doing so, people who knew Carol, really did know her doubted that anybody could have had that kind of power over her. Rick had once thought he did, but the more they kept on being alive, the more he had come to terms with the fact that they were all essential, and they needed to work together, and not banish one another, though he would have gladly banished some of the Alexandrians he once told Sasha over beers.

One day, the family got another scare, when the teacher reported that Carl had missed class, and had jumped over the wall with the boys and Enid, except Ron, Mikey and Enid had made it back in time to get chastised by their parents, meanwhile it took Carl many more hours to come back, after the night had set. 

“What the hell were you thinking, Carl?” Rick asked his son, who was holding his sister and caressing her hair.

The boy who wanted to be a man looked worse for the wear, and there were cuts on his arms, but none that would need medical attention or not before Rick had said what he had to. Michonne was next in line to tell the kid what he had put them through and to reach out to him, torn between the love she had for him and the fact that she wanted to slap him silly for having gone over the wall.

The rest of the family was waiting for a turn too, or so it seemed, as they all ended up once again in the same house that night.

“Carl, I can’t, I can’t be on the lookout, and break stupid fight between Aiden and the guy’s whose girlfriend he’s currently banging,” Rick tried to explain, desperate for words. “I can’t do that, I need you to help me, even if it’s boring and you miss maybe our old ways. I miss them too, but we can’t do things that put us at risk. If something happened to you, you know it would kill me, and probably wound everybody else pretty nastily…. We just can’t deal with another loss...” Rick said.

It made no doubt to anyone that Rick was referring to the loss of Carol, and Daryl was just about to jump in and make a speech about how he would find her and bring her back, and they could all kiss his hairy ass if they believed the woman was really gone. He sometimes changed images, but lately, it had become a leitmotiv of some sort for the group.

“Dad…” Carl said.

“Just promise me that…”

“Dad!” Carl yelled louder.

“This is serious, Son, you need to listen and…”

“Dad, I saw Carol today.”

They all stopped and stared at him, as if they were afraid their ears had all deceived them and the boy hadn’t said what he had said.

“Carl…” Daryl said, coming closer, the way he would try to approach a wild animal, so as not to scare it off.

“I’m not lying, Daryl, I saw Carol today.”

…..

_Earlier that day_

They had decided to ditch school, and Enid had talked about her sometimes escape across the wall, and into the wilderness the boys from Alexandria knew so little of. They had all agreed to take a trip, and one of them had distracted Olivia while the others had raided the armory. 

Carl had followed them, against his better judgment in all honesty. Sure, they had weapons, but he would bet his hat and more that Enid and he were probably the only one who knew how to take the safety off those things, let alone use them. However, he did go along with them, because he figured they would be okay, or he could make them okay if need be. Sasha hadn’t spotted a walker around the compound in almost two weeks, and they were not planning to go far, just to Alexandria, the actual town.

Once again, Carl had felt this was a terrible choice, remembering Atlanta, and the dead walking everywhere, but Enid swore that she knew a safe path and they could have a day out, in the city, and just be rebels. It seemed that Ron and the rest of them were dying to prove to their parents and the community in general that they were ready for less class about dead poets and more practical training in weapon handling. Carl felt like he could do with a few more dead poets, having a head start in the training part.

He still went, because those idiots were his friends, and if he could show Enid that he was already much more of a man than those idiots, then it would be a win-win situation. Those didn’t come so often anymore, so he had to try and make it happen.

Enid got them in town, a couple of miles from the Safe zone, and the boys were feeling like heroes for making it so far. It didn’t matter to them that they hadn’t encounter one walker, they were still heroes. Carl may have rolled his eyes a couple of time at their antics.

They really got in town, and made it for about 14 minutes before the first walker emerged. Mikey and Ron panicked, but Carl kept his calm and got rid of the zombie quick and easy. Galvanized by this victory, which was really not a victory but a simple kill, the boys asked to be taken deeper into town, saying they wanted to see the harbor. Enid started shaking her head, explaining she hadn’t made it so far and she knew they were more walkers expecting them the more they went into town, but Ron and Mikey were on a high. It reeked of death, of decaying bodies, but they didn’t care. Carl had trouble understanding it, as it was a smell he knew too well, and having been free from it for several weeks now, it hit him even harder than before, making his skin crawl and his brain go into “I will not die here” mode.

They got in deeper, and were incredibly lucky for another period of time, but Carl could hear the walkers behind the walls, those who would probably pop out any minute now. As they got a glimpse of the marina, their first herd emerged, and that was when things really turned nasty. Carl went into survivor mode, knowing they needed to get rid of the one who were the closest to them then run for their lives, but not everybody was down with the program. He slayed one walker, and another. He scratched his arm against a tree, and the smell of blood made the walkers crazier. It was around that time that Carl finally saw something he should have seen straight away: his group had taken advantage of the fact that he was doing the kills necessary to run away, without a second glance, leaving him behind.

Carl managed to get on top of a building nearby, climbing like a chimpanzee and making sure no walker could follow him, and he pointed his guns at them, turning on himself, trying to keep 360° degree idea of where he could run away, and where he would meet death.

The blood was beating so hard in his whole body, the adrenaline driving him, he didn’t have time to despair or wonder how he would make it out, though later on that thought would plague him.

He was surrounded but he wouldn’t go down without a fight.

Suddenly, something exploded on one side of the building, and another explosion followed on the other side. Carl started turning around, almost spinning on himself to understand what was going, his riffle pointed in front of him.

From the corner of his eye, he saw a shape, a living human shape, wearing a cap, taking down a couple of walkers who had been separated from the herd, and suddenly he could see a way out, even though he had no idea where it would lead him.

“Come with me,” he heard, and he didn’t need to be told twice. 

He followed the person, ran onto the marina, never stopping to look at the water even though he had never been so close to the actual sea, and he saw a boat. A couple of walkers were still on their trail, and when the person jumped on one boat, Carl followed suite, escaping by a hair from his undead followers.

As he watched the walkers run into the water, he prayed this was a dream, then he felt more than he heard a motor go off, taking them away from those walkers, and away from possible threats.

He turned around, wishing he had taken his hat with him, as the sun was hitting him hard across the face, but he thought he probably would have lost it anyway.

“Here, take the cap. It’s ugly, and nothing like your Sheriff hat, but it does a good job.”

Carl took the cap and wondered how in hell he hadn’t noticed or guessed before that it would be Carol who had been wearing the cap he had spotted before.

“You saved me,” He said, though it didn’t really mean anything.

She had saved him plenty of times before, and he had contributed to keeping her alive too. However, she had been gone, and he hadn’t known what to think. His thoughts went to his father and Daryl, and the victory dance they would do when Carol would come back.

“Shitty friends you have, leaving you alone and running for their lives”, she said, going to the front of the boat. 

It was not a fast one but it still worked.

“Though, were they being shitty friends, or just stupid?” She wondered.

“Both.” He answered.

He came closer to her and said:

“I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too, Kiddo”, she said with that smile that he had missed so much, the one that made you feel like you were the best person on Earth and you were safe.

Damn, he thought, Carol was here. He hoped it meant Carol was back, but forgot about it as he basked in the feeling the smile elicited to whomever it was directed at. He had missed her so much. Daryl ad Dad would be so happy, that was if they didn't kill him first, for his sneaking off.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be told mostly from Carol's POV I think. I hope you're still reading and enjoying. 
> 
> A/N: WE have a new episode airing tonight, and I will not take into account what happens then. The story was built before the episode and I don't want to disrupt it to fit the latest episode. I hope you will agree, and don't mind that after tonight's episode, it sort f becomes an AU.
> 
> Kudos and comments are so extremely important. I'm a French Girl writing in English, trying to tell a story, to convey emotions, the way I feel them when I write (I shed a tear or two for this part) and kudos and comments let me know I'm doing okay, so please don't be shy and leave a word...

"How was she?" Rick asked.

Carl thought really hard about what he should answer, and what he would answer. Truth be told, she had looked ok, but that didn't mean it had made him feel better. He didn't want her to suffer, but they had been in pain with her gone, and he believed that there was a gap between how "okay" she had looked, and how she must have really felt.

It made it very complicated to answer accurately. From the corner of his eye, he saw Daryl who was on the edge of his seat, figuratively speaking, as he was not sitting, hanging on to whatever word Carl would say. No pressure there... The hunter looked just about ready to go off in the night and go find the woman who had nicknamed him Pookie.

Carl allowed himself a silent and internal giggle at that nickname then remembered: he had seen her, but they hadn't, and they were probably imagining terrible scenarios while he took his sweet time answering.

"She looked good I suppose, lonely too. I don't know how to explain it. She misses us all."

"Then why did she leave?" Maggie asked, and Glenn grabbed her hand to soothe her, though he looked anxious for answers too. 

"Where was she? What happened?" Rick asked.

Carl tickled Judith who was still squirming in his arms, and put his thoughts in order, to tell them how he had come to cross paths with her. His father rolled his eyes so often when Carl would mention Mikey and Ron and their stupid attitude, Carl was afraid they would get stuck in the back of his head. 

He got to the part where Carol had given him the cap, and he closed his eyes, recalling the conversation that had followed.

_Still earlier that day_

Carol carefully, slowly brought her hand closer to his face, and he leaned in, so that she was cupping his face. At the Safe Zone, or the prison or anywhere else, they never would have had such an exchange, as they were always surrounded by people, and Carl hadn't always been open to PDA, wanting to remind everybody he was as good a hunter as them. Tenderness was a rarity.

"Oh kiddo," She sighed still smiling, but he could see her eyes getting misty.

For once in a very long time, he allowed himself to be vulnerable, and put his hand on top of hers, clenching it, hoping to convey what he had no words for. Her head was crooked on the side, and he wanted to hug her but wasn't sure she would be open to the idea, so he just clenched her hand, and she smiled.

Of course, they had to move, and they broke apart. 

"So, you're living on a boat?" He asked her, since stating the obvious was an easy to start a conversation.

"Yes. I was looking for a viable solution, after I left the zone, and this... This works," she said.

He wanted to ask why she had left, knew that it was probably the most important question he could ever ask her, but he chickened out and said, as he went to the railing on the side:

"How does it work?"

"It's work, frankly. I just made things as I went. I found this boat. It had a walker on board but I got rid of it. There were cans of vegetables and fruit. There was oil in the tank. I started sailing in the harbor, away from the coast, and went into more boats, killed their walkers when there were some, and syphoned the fuel they had. I have many jerry cans below deck with fuel for a later date, but in the meantime, I just sail and keep on syphoning. I thought about going further, and I do sometimes. I will take the boat out of the marina, because there are a couple of walkers floating, and that's disgusting. I sail further where the water is clean, and I fish. I boil the fish, it's nothing fancy, but this way, I'm eating fish that isn't contaminated. Then I go back in the middle of the marina. For the nighttime, I managed to make a circle of boats, or ships, as I believe true sailors call them, and I park mine in the middle. I have tied some barbwire on the side of my boat just in case, that was an adventure. I had to go as far away as possible from the harbor I could, so that I wouldn't be too afraid to find walkers in the water."

Carl looked at her amazed.

"I wish I could take all the credit, but the hardwire idea had been one of the previous owner of this little lady. He left a diary with his ideas for survival, except he didn't survive. Anyway, we're so close to Washington and Arlington, there are many boats to syphon and pillage. Many people seemed to have that idea to go on the sea away from the walkers, but they didn't work everything through. Anyway, it means I can always find food. Sometimes I go hunting. But yeah, it works."

"Aren't you afraid, at night when you're on your boat alone?"

She sighed, as if she was struggling to find what she wanted to say.

"We know fear, kiddo. We've been living with it for a while now. It's become our best friend in many ways, we can always rely on it to be there, even when things are okay. With the other boats acting as a shield during the night, and I lock the door to my cabin, I make it through the night okay. I stole locks on other boats, and installed them on my door. Don't look at me like that, I had no idea I could do it! But Ed was a locksmith, and I guess I learned some things watching him work. Anyway, the only time I woke up with company on the ship was before I managed to create the boat shield with the other boats. I killed it and removed it from the boat. It was alone. I had managed to lure it away from the cabin after I opened the door, so I wouldn't end up washing walker's gut from the cabin."

He realized that she was as afraid of speaking of certain things as he was, otherwise she wouldn't be babbling. She was proving him that she could make it on her own, but he had never doubted it. She had gotten them out of Terminus all on her own, and she was so much more than met the eye.

"They didn't appreciate you enough, at the zone," he finally said.

She smiled, in a neutral fashion, but didn't really deny that assessment.

"I am sure I do not know what you mean," She said.

"Bullshit. I know it was you who mentioned the parole group for people to talk about their losses. Everybody forgot it, but I didn't. You mentioned it to Sasha and Maggie, and the idea made its way, but you're the one who brought it up, even though you never partook to my knowledge."

She once again didn't deny his assessment. It was true too. People could thank Reg and Maggie all day long, the seed had been planted by the one person nobody really listened to back at the zone. Carl wondered if it had anything to do with why she had left.

"How is everybody?" She asked, and he was certain he saw a faint blush.

Perhaps she was wondering if she had a right to ask.

She had the right to ask, even if she had packed her things and gone away.

"We miss you. A lot. Judith looks for you. She has a billion people now looking after her but she is waiting for you to come back. My dad is ... You know how he was before you left, the secret dictator of the zone, and he still is, but we've lost some power when you left. It's not your fault, but we've spent so much time looking for you and talking about you, we didn't see Deanna take a couple of bad decisions and now Dad has to find a way with Maggie to turn things around. Daryl... Well I think you can imagine how he is. Aaron has a new job, making sure Daryl gets back home every night."

She went to the command panel of the boat and stopped the engine, like she couldn't bear to hear about Daryl, and Carl knew it probably hurt even more than he thought it did. The hunter had been in such a bad way, worse than when he was looking for Sophia, but now he had responsibilities as Rick's right hand man, so he couldn't do everything he wanted to do. The family would never have let him go away either. They had lost Carol, they would have done and still would do anything to keep him with them.

He prattled on about the others, about Glenn and Maggie, and the fact that he had heard them one night talk about babies and how doable having one would be. He told her about Michonne finding another horse, probably Button's mare, and how she was treating it like a pet. The horse was tied in front of the house even though the neighbors and other Alexandrians wished for it to live in a stable they would make, but Michonne wasn't budging. 

Carol listened, with a sad smile on her face. He took a drink from a soda she had brought him. Seemed like the guy who had owned this boat had stocked soda cans, and it was good to have a familiar taste, from before.

Except it was not before. Now was... A mess. It looked okay at the zone, but things could go awry in the blink of an eye, the family members all knew it.

"I miss you all very much too," she finally said when he stopped talking.

"Then come back." He said, and if there was a plea in his tone, then so be it. 

"I can't kiddo, I just can't..."

"We need you. I need you. Judith needs you. Do you realize that you're the only one who knew my mom and who can tell Judith about her? Dad just can't, and I... I can't think of Mom anymore. All I hear is 'goodnight, love', and I hear the shot I fired. I cannot tell Judith about that. But you know Mom. You knew her at the camp near Atlanta, and she would rely on you when she was pregnant. When Dad was in full dictator mode, and bossed everybody around, you were there for Mom when Dad acted like she was to blame for whatever...."

He had trouble remembering what had really happened, and truth be told, he wished Carol would explain to him what had happened.

"I miss Lori," Carol said with a sad smile. "She was a good woman, and a good mom. She loved you, and your sister so much... When I was told she had decided to die so that Judith could live, it never surprised me. This was the Lori I knew. This was Lori, period. She was a good woman, and a good mom," she said again, with a brave smile, but he could see that she was battling many feelings.

"Which is why we need you back. Only you can tell Judith that. Only you can tell me about that. Things happened, and then more things happened, and our group was split up, and reunited, then we lost some of our own. But you were there, back in Atlanta. You were always part of the group. It's you, me, Dad, Daryl and Glenn. Maggie and Michonne and all the others are as much family as we are, but we share a bound. We went through Atlanta together. We lost Sophia together. We have this great bond in our clan, our family, Deanna is always talking about how wonderful it is for us to be together and there for each other, even though some are married and some are actual family and whatever shit she decides is wonderful and surprising, but it is true. You belong with us, Carol. Please come back."

"I can't."

"Carol..."

"Please, Carl... I haven't cried in a long time, but you're this close to making me weep again," she said, though sporting a smile as if she was telling a good joke. "I heard what you said, but the reasons I left... They're still valid reasons. I didn't leave because of me. I left for all of you guys, because I love you that much, and I miss you, and I would do anything to make sure you're okay. Please, don't ask me again. I can't tell you, and I can't come back. I wish I could."

"I'm sure you could."

"Well..."

They kept silent for a moment, and he removed the cap, as the sun was setting down.

"I'm going to get you back to the zone," she said, before tuning the engine back on. "I won't leave you to rot, like the others did, kiddo. And by the way, you need new friends..."

"Beggars can't be choosers."

"You're not a beggar," she told him, and he believed her, making him feel good, and worthy. 

They shouldn't have left him behind. They shouldn't have, and he would tell them just that.

_Back to the present time_

"She got me back here. She sailed the boat south, till we were maybe two miles away from the zone. There was a car she knew worked, and we drove it just outside of what you can see from the towers. She walked with me to the gate, made sure I was safe, and she ran away, back to the car I suppose, and back to the boat. She is probably the only reason I'm back here tonight," Carl said.

They all could tell he had left out details, and he hoped they would understand. That conversation about his mother, it was private. He would probably tell his father about it, but it was so private.

"For fuck's sake," Daryl exclaimed, ready to break the furniture in the house. "She was just here... Just ... there," he said again, shaking, showing a spot so close to them, "and she left again. I swear to God, when I find her, I will tie her up or whatever, and make sure she never leaves me again."

Nobody pointed out that Daryl had said "me" instead of "us," because none of them were stupid enough to have missed the fact that she was his and he was hers, and if they weren't all so afraid of getting killed in their sleep, they would have started betting on when and where Carol and Daryl would acknowledge what everybody around them knew.

"Did she tell you why she left us?" Maggie asked.

"No. I asked, but she wouldn't say. Said it was better for us, that she had no choice," Carl said, playing with Judith's hair.

"Rick..." Daryl started.

"Don't bother, I know. We all know. All in favor for sending out Daryl to see Carol and bring her back safely, say yeah."

"Yeah", was the unanimous cry of the family.

"Matter settled, until further notice. Now go to bed, Carl. We'll talk about your punishment at another time," Rick said.

It had been such a long day, Carl didn't need to be told twice. He carried his sister with him, and settled with her in his bed. He closed his eyes with a smile on his face, counting the hours until Carol would be coming back.

Only a fool would bet against Daryl, and he was no fool.

He fell asleep moments later, after he had felt Judith do the same.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is actually the first part of a way too big chapter. Enjoy and bear with him. Remember to Read and review/kudo!

Carol woke up, and looked at the clock. It was early but the sun would be rising soon, and it was as good a time as any to take the ship out, and start looking for goods on the abandoned ships further, before the sun got too hot. Yet, for the first time in a very long time, she lacked the energy to get up and start her morning ritual. 

She thought about the day before, about Carl, and how he had pleaded with her to come back, like it was a possibility. He had allowed himself to be so vulnerable, she had felt for the young man, appreciating the effort he was making, whether he was conscious of it or not. 

Carl... It felt like a lifetime had come and gone, but Carol had met the boy less than two years ago, though it felt much longer... She supposed that in this apocalypse of theirs, time had no real use, unless you wanted to celebrate every day you were alive, and remember those you had lost. Her baby girl had died over 18 months ago, almost to the day. The pain she felt only made her belief stronger that time was just a painful reminder and not a necessity, except perhaps for Judith, and Carl, who had so much growing up to do.

She didn't envy them, or the other kids at the Zone, for whom a normal life involved zombies and losing people left and right.

She turned on her other side in the bed if it could be called so. Clearly it wasn't meant as a permanent sleeping arrangement, it was doing weird things to her back. She remembered the mattress of superior quality she had seen on one of the ships she had toured and pillaged, and wondered if she could perhaps steal it. It would be ballsy, wouldn't it?

And it would also mean she was absolutely leaving behind the idea of ever going back to the group. There was an ache in her heart, but she knew why she had left, and though Carl, and the rest of the group probably hadn't understood, she knew her reasons were more than valid. 

If she went out and got that new mattress for her bunk, it meant she was moving in for good, she wasn't just surviving, she was creating a nest.

At the zone, it had been a struggle. Part of her had wanted to have that nest, to change some of the things in the house to make it more to her liking. The boys wouldn't have minded, house-decorating was usually more of a woman's preoccupation. In her bed, Carol had thought about things she could do and change, to make the house less sterile, less like a prototype of a house, as it was meant to be, and finally turn it into their house. She knew in the other house, Michonne had hung her katana on the wall, and nothing said 'house christening' louder. Then again, Michonne had seen the potential of the safe zone and had fought teeth and nails to get them there. Carol had agreed with her, and had pulled her weight to get them there. However, unlike Michonne, she had never been able to truly take possession of the house. Even her bedroom was not really hers. She had emptied only the bare minimum from her backpack, and day after day, it had made her feel bad. From reading the book about childhood trauma Daryl had stolen, she knew that children from foster homes sometimes took a very long time to settle in a new place, as they were too used to being moved around, whether they wanted to or not. She guessed in a way, Carol had become a foster child. They were all foster children, but some of them had gotten better at settling in, perhaps being more trusting, or having more at stake to wait and see: Judith needed a place to sleep, and having a place where her products could be used was good. She had toys now, and Carol smiled as she remembered a fluffy toy the baby had taken a liking to. 

"Oh God." She heard herself say, as her heart felt tighter and tighter.

If she went back for that mattress, she was settling in, letting go of her foster girl's new reflexes, and she would be saying goodbye to Judith forever, to all of them. To Carl, To Rick. To Daryl.

"Oh God." She said again.

She got up, and put on her pants. It was the closest she had come to having a nighttime attire, she would take off her pants before going to bed, though she kept them so close she only had to jump and put them on. It was a reflex, even though life had been rather quiet on the water. 

When she had left, and she had wandered around, looking for a place to stay, knowing she couldn't go back to where they had been before, she had ended up on a pier, the very same pier she anchored her boat last night when she brought Carl back to the compound. There had been the walker who had been the owner, and she had spent one night there, the dead walker she had gotten rid of spread on the pier, in an attempt to hide her scent from any wandering walkers. 

She had woken up at the crack of dawn, and had read Julius's journal. For some reason, she felt like the previous owner of the boat should have been called Julius so she called him that. Anyway, she had read Julius' diary and made an inventory of what was on the boat and what she could do. She couldn't stay so close to the zone, so she had done the one thing only a crazy person would have done, and she had headed into the town's marina, and well, things had worked out. It was just a different type of surviving.

It felt like this was all there was left, survival. Living seemed like such a foreign concept. Carol remembered Rick's speech, about them being the walking dead, and how she had said they weren't dead, echoing something Daryl had said before, but there was some truth in his statement. If they were not the walking dead, they were the survivors of the apocalypse, and they had no idea how long that would last. The safe zone was a good, even a great opportunity, to be safe enough and to be ready to keep on survive. Her people had managed to become part of the community, and...

She sighed and tried to think of something else. She grabbed a can of peaches in syrup and a spoon, and headed out on the bridge of the ship. Surrounded by the other boats, she took her breakfast, enjoying the feel of the sun on her face. Small pleasures were all she had left.

She shook her head again, reminding herself that her decision had been her own, and if she started hoping for a different outcome, a choice to have presented itself, then she was not independent anymore, she was allowing doubt back in her life, and craving someone's approval or protection.

She got the boat out of the protective circle, pondering, over and over if she would be going back for that mattress. It was closer to the actual marina, so it would be a difficult operation, especially on her own, but the last month had proven she was capable deed she never would have pictured herself doing, like driving a ship.

She slowly drove the boat to a safe place, the same spot she had been in yesterday when she had seen Carl in trouble. She wondered if he had made it back okay. She had all but brought him back to the door of the zone, running in order not to be seen, but she had spotted the doors opening to let him in. His father had probably scolded him and more. Rick was nothing if not protective of his kids. She wondered what kind of punishment Carl would be given. She hoped his shitty friends would not be left unscathed from this incident and would pay one way or another their cowardness.

She went back inside for the binoculars she had, and started inspecting the harbor and the marina. She took comfort in seeing that most of the boats were exactly where she had last spotted them. She had anchored every boat she had pillaged. She had a map inside, with the location of each boat, their names and what she may have left on board for a later date. She had done her best for the boats to not be reachable by walkers, but when she had syphoned them dry, all she had been able to do was to make those boats drift further away from where they could be jumped on, hoping to have no bad surprises later on. She figured that the worst case scenario would have one of the boats she had visited be infested by walkers by chance, and that she would probably be able to deal with the infected inside. The upside would be that the putrid scent they would emit would mean no one would be back on board of that ship, but it was still a scary thought: walkers became bloaters, and that was not pretty. She would harpoon those she would meet, a silent and efficient way of getting rid of them. She would try to get the harpoons back whenever she could, the same way Daryl would get his arrows back after he had fired his crossbow.

There he was again, plaguing her thoughts. If leaving them all had been a pain, then the fiercest one had been to know that she was disappointing Daryl again. Carl had said that the hunter had taken her going away pretty badly, and she had foreseen it, but in the greater scheme of things, it had seemed like she needed to leave them all, leave him, to give them a chance. Mourning was an exercise they had experience with, though it never got easier, and she was certain they would mourn her, and survive. 

Ideally, she would never have crossed paths with any of them again, allowing them to process her disappearance, but when she had seen Carl, and the certain death he had been facing, she had had to do something. She knew it meant that he had told his father and Daryl and the clan about their encounter, and where she was living, and she wondered if it would make them sad or angry, that she was so close, yet hiding. They probably wouldn't understand, and she wished she could give them an explanation, but as the song went, you didn't always get what you want. And now, she had been pushed back on her family's radar, and she had no idea how they were reacting, how Daryl was taking it. 

She had hoped the family would be able to help him through the process, and she supposed they were doing what they could, making him come back every night. Still, she missed him, and part of her was afraid of the day when he would move on from her, when she would just become another person they had lost, and life would go back to normal. It was so egoistical of her, she should have wanted him to be well as soon as possible, but it was Daryl, and they had a history that few could understand. She remembered telling him about the woman she had been before Ed, and the woman she had become after Ed, and how she had told him he had become a man over the years. If anybody else had called him a boy, they would have gotten sucker punched, or shot across the face with an arrow, but because she was her and he was him, when she had said it, he had listened, and had understood what she meant. More often than not, words were not necessary between them, and it had been like she was tearing herself in two when she had decided to leave, and leave him and the clan.

"Shut up Carol," she told herself. "Just shut up. Do you want this mattress or not? Think."

The more she thought about her loved ones, the more she was tempted to go back but things hadn't changed, and her absence had probably made things worse too.

She had to own up to her decision, like she had done every day so far.

She took the binoculars again, and made another visual round on the harbor and marina. She spotted a silhouette near the rooftop she had gotten Carl from, and she adjusted the settings on the binoculars, not daring to trust what she was seeing.

Daryl. Fucking Daryl. Wonderful Daryl. Daryl. Daryl was on the rooftop, standing up, straight, with his crossbow tied to his back, as well as a long knife hanging from his belt. He had his arms crossed in front of him, and though she was far in the distance, she knew he could see her, and he was watching her.

She should have known, she thought. Carl would have told them where to find her, and the group was not good at giving up, so they would have gone looking for her. Bless them, she thought, but this was a mistake.

She looked around and saw that Daryl was alone. It made her want to yell at him to go hide somewhere he wouldn't be in danger, but those places were few and far. She slowly lowered the binoculars, and watched the silhouette. She didn't need the goggles to know what his expression was. She knew him like she knew the back of her hand. She was a bit surprised when she saw how still he was staying, and suddenly it made sense: he would not be coming to her or for her. 

It was like a punch to the gut, but thinking about it twice, she wouldn't have expected anything else from him. Daryl had been vulnerable in front of her before, but this time, the pain he was feeling, the loss he had to deal with was all her fault because she had decided to inflict it on all of them. He wouldn't come closer if there was a chance she might ignore him, or figuratively run over his feelings one way or another.

Yet, the message was loud.

"I'm here." His stance said, and his posture yelled "and I am not going anywhere."

She wanted to go back inside the cabin, to be able to think without him watching her, but she was riveted to the spot. He was doing this to her, forcing her to stand as still as he did. 

She got the message so loud and clear: if she wanted him to come and see him, she had to come and get him. There was so much more at stake than just taking the ship closer to the marina so he could climb in, it would have the potential to change everything if she invited him on the ship. 

The sun was shining on his face, but he was not flinching, not moving, and she was scared. If the previous decision had been a heartbreak, this one, was even bigger, and would be so meaningful, whatever she chose. If she left him there, she knew he would probably stay until his hair turned gray and hers grayer, or she could move the ship, and come to get him.

He was giving her a choice, and she realized that she didn't want it to be a choice. She wanted him to climb on the boat and be in her face. It would be so much simpler to stand by her previous decision then.

But he knew it. If she knew him, he knew her just as well. He would not make things so easy for her. She supposed she had disappeared one too many times in his mind. She wondered if he would understand. She wondered what he would do. She wondered what was next. She wondered what she would do. The ball was in her court. She wanted to toss it back to him so that she didn’t have to be in charge of those decisions. She imagined he knew what was going on through her head, and was staying as still as a statue to force her to make a decision, one way or another. He was risking it all on this bet she realized, and she wanted to escape the weight of this situation, as breathing became so much more difficult.

They stood, for what seemed like hours, looking at each other, as she took her decision. The sun was up high, when she finally moved from her spot, and went to the command panel, the mattress long forgotten.


	6. Chapter 6

He watched as she slowly put the ship in motion toward the harbor. He listened hard, trying to spot if walkers were around, and could only thank his luck so far for not having had to deal with them. 

He had woken Carl up at the crack of dawn to get him to put on a map everything he had done and everywhere he had been when with Carol. Rick hadn't been able to drive him afterwards, as someone needed to hold the fort, especially now that Deanna thought they were getting weak and she could use their strengths without asking. Instead, it had been Aaron who had driven him. Daryl had barged in their house just after he had gathered his intel from Carl, and while Eric had been grumpy about being up way too early in the morning, he and Aaron had agreed on the fact that they needed to help.

Maybe Deanna needed to get her ducks in row again, because the longer he was there, the more Daryl felt like she didn't have the blinded and undivided support of all her people. If shit hit the fan, as it probably would, Eric and Aaron would make good new recruits to the core of the Grimes clan, Daryl had thought in the car.

Aaron had tried to chit chat, talking about how early it was, but Daryl hadn't chatted back. He had not slept that night. He had let the boy go to sleep the night before, then he had started planning. He had talked with some of the clan members, Maggie wanting especially to talk to him, saying he wasn't just playing with his possible love interest and that he needed to bring Carol back because she was everybody's something. Daryl would have snapped at her, but hadn't. He knew, for fuck's sake, too well that it wasn't just about bringing back the woman who had wormed her way into his heart and had taken residence there (metaphor courtesy of Aaron) but it was about bringing back the missing piece to their puzzle. 

On the road, Aaron had stopped at one point, to show him a wolf, away from them, but watching them. It had felt strange, like the wolf recognized its kindred spirit. Daryl had pretended before to be a lone wolf, but wolves were pack animals, and he wanted to go back to being a wolf with his mate. 

Carol was taking what felt like a lifetime coming up to him, and he supposed it was about making as little noise as possible, so that they wouldn't have to deal with walkers. When he had arrived in town, Aaron had helped him drop two does they had shot on their way there so that Daryl could find the rooftop Carl had mentioned. Daryl hadn't known then how it would help him find Carol but if she had come for Carl when he was up there, then Daryl had known he needed to get his ass up there too, as soon as possible.

Daryl had gotten on the rooftop and had heard in the distance two shots, five to seven minutes between the first and the second, and he had guessed that Aaron had managed to kill more decoys for the walkers, to buy him time. When he had told the Alexandrian about his wish to offer tokens to the walkers, the guy had been surprised, but Daryl guessed the idea had made sense to him, if he had made sure to plant to more decoys further away from where he was. He was not afraid for Aaron, there would have been many more shots if he had been in trouble. 

He had tried to spot the ship Carl had told him about, called the Tethys or something along those lines. Carl had remembered it because it had reminded him of the word "tits", and Daryl had been reminded of how young the warrior really was. To be fair, Daryl himself had remembered the name of the boat thinking of tits. Maybe he wasn't that evolved either. Anyway, he had never seen it but he had spotted a bunch of ships away from the rest of the marina. It had to be the shelter Carol had created for her ship. 

He had thought about what he would do next. Part of him had wanted to make his way to the boat, whatever it took, wake her up and get her packing, but this was the Cro-Magnon man talking. If he made her come back and didn't leave a choice, she would probably run away again. So, though it had pained him in ways he couldn't express, he had decided to stand on the rooftop, and wait for her to see him, and decide to come back. He would stay however long it would take her to realize where she truly belonged, and he had a feeling she would understand his true intent. He just wasn't leaving without her, it was not possible. But what if he had no choice?

She had to decide, he couldn't do it for her, no matter how easy it would have been. He crossed his arms and waited, and as time passed, he realize that if she decided not to come back, he had no idea what he would do. He didn't want to go back without her. At some point in the past couple of years, she had become his beacon. She had become everything. The past month had proved that. He had been barely able to function without her, and she had been the only thing he thought about going to be, waking up, going through the motions, waiting for the moment when he would be free to really go after her.

The Peletier women would be his downfall, he thought sadly, thinking about Sophia, and realizing that she had died a year and a half ago now. He wouldn't let the same thing happen to Carol. So he had crossed his arms, and waited until he had seen the Tethys ship emerge from the shelter. She had gone through her daily routine, and he hadn't move, wanting her to spot him, wanting her to react. 

When she saw him, he forced himself to keep still, though she was the sweetest thing his eyes had laid upon in a long time. He was even more aware than ever that she was everything and she had their fate in her hands. He hadn't moved, and had waited. For hours, in the sun. Doing nothing but pray that she would come to him, that she would chose him.

There was a small voice in his head saying stuff like "she'd be coming back for Maggie and Rick and the family too", but that little voice had no chance to be heard over the internal screams and pleas he was thinking, hoping Carol would hear them and put an end to his misery. He had only been sure of the fact that he wouldn't be going anywhere, and she would have to turn that ship around and leave him. Even then, he hadn't been sure what would have happened next.

But she was coming for him, slowly, so slowly, but certainly. She looked flushed, and in overthinking mode, but she had made her choice, and she was coming to him. Maybe she was even coming for him. 

TWDTWDTWD

Carol could have picked up the pace of the ship, but she needed the moments she could glean, before she had to really face Daryl. She was both hyper aware of the choice she had made, and completely clueless about what she was doing. Instinct had taken over, and she hadn't realized she was making a choice until she found herself sailing the ship toward the harbor.

What would he say? Would he say anything at all? Would he yell? Would he be stoic?

What would she say? She had no idea.

She drove the boat as silently as possible, both to give herself some time to get a grip, and to make sure they wouldn't be assaulted by walkers and would-be bloaters. She wondered how long he had been on that rooftop, and if he would make her get off the boat in order to get a reaction. She was not getting off that boat, especially in that neighborhood, thank you very much. There was a reason she always took extra care checking what was going on there, because it was infested and Carl had been so lucky she had been able to take him out.

She stopped, a few feet from the shore, and went to the back of the ship, feeling like she could breathe for the first time, without his stare on her. She grabbed the plank she had stashed there and she came back to the front of the ship, and placed the long plank so it made a bridge between the harbor and her boat.

"You've got 15 seconds before I take off the plank," she said out loud, as he was not budging and she needed some sort of control back.

He heard her and jumped down from the rooftop. He did this nonchalant run-walk thing, where you weren't sure if he was actually running but boy did he move fast for someone walking. He put his foot on the plank, and looked at her.

From the corner of her eyes, she saw they had an audience, a couple of walkers who were hoping to turn them into dinner. Carol gave Daryl a look, and he quickly walked on the plank, before helping her remove it from the harbor, and Carol went to the command panel to get them away from the uninvited guests making their way toward them.

She would probably have to kill them later, harpoon them so they didn't become threats to her. They got further away, and she saw that he didn't know what to do, when on the ship. She supposed she had messed with his plans in a way, as they were not on their way back to the zone. They were on her ship, but she had chosen to make him come on board. She thought it should have made her feel better, more in control, but it was him, and it was her, and just because she had messed with his original intent didn't mean that he had changed his intent at all.

The silence was heavy, so heavy... She set a course on the panel, entering coordinates for a fishing spot she sometimes went to, and turned around to face him.

She had seen him before, but it felt completely different. She had read from his posture the message he had wanted to broadcast, but now that he was here, standing in front of her, she felt too many things. She wanted to hug him. She wanted him to want to hug her, like he had done after Terminus. She wanted to run her hand in his hair, and mess it up, just to wipe the serious expression from his face, and annoy him. She wanted to kiss him, and touch him. 

Of all the feelings she was experiencing, those were perhaps the most familiar to her. He had entwined himself in her life, and she had learnt with time that it was a gift fate had made her. He challenged her on so many levels, she had grown to love him in no way like a younger brother, but like a man who would probably never have looked at her twice, if it had not been for the apocalypse. At least, she had his friendship, and it meant the world, though she wondered if she did have his friendship right then. She had ran away again. She thought about acting on her kissing envy, if only to be sure she got to lay one on him before he ripped her a new one.

"I know what you're going to say," she heard herself articulate, though she had no idea what would be coming next.

It felt like there were two of her, if not more, one who had something to say, and the other one who was trying to keep up.

"I disappeared again. You're going to tell me that it's something I do, always, and I need to break that pattern, but it's not true. Okay? It's just not true," she kept on saying, running a hand in her hair. "First time I disappeared, T-Dog allowed me to survive and I did my bit by staying hidden away from death. Then I suppose there's the time I spent away, but that was not me, that was Rick banishing me. I didn't want to go, but I thought maybe he had a point, and I let him leave me behind. Then we met again, and... Well okay, we met again, and I did try to go away, though I wasn't completely aware of it at the time. I was having a rough time, I still am, but I didn't leave, I stayed. I went to Alexandria, and I played the part and ..."

"And you packed your things and left, without telling anyone," he said, breaking the silence, as she had stopped talking, not sure how to refer to where she was now and what had happened.

She had missed his hoarse voice.

"I did that, yes, but I didn't run away." She said.

"What would you call it then?" He asked, and she was watching that vein on his forehead, which seemed about to explode.

"Playing hide and seek and anticipating the game to last for a very long time?" She said, looking at the floor to hide her smile.

It was so stupid. He was there for an explanation, but she couldn't help herself, she had to try to fuck with him.

The look on his face though was so worth it. His eyes were wide open and he looked dumbstruck, like he couldn't compute her description of what she had done. She knew anger would probably be his default setting again so she started talking again right away.

"I had reasons, and I wanted to do the right thing, so I didn't leave, per se. I just... decided to take a hike? And I found a place I liked and I stayed there?"

It was so far from the truth but the truth was so heavy and painful, and not something she was proud of....

"So you ran away," he said again, and his tone made it final.

There would be no more creative ways to explain what she had done, pretending that it hadn't been about fleeing. She looked away from him, and saw that they were getting closer to her fishing spot. She went to turn off the engine.

"You're offering no explanation," Daryl said, and she could tell how angry he was.

Except the thing was, she was angry too. She was so fucking angry too. Had she wanted to leave? Fuck no. She had wanted to stay. But when it had come to becoming a liability to the people she loved or taking a hike, well, she had done what she needed to do.

"Noticed that, hum?" She said, then went into the cabin to get the fishing gear.

He followed her inside, and she suddenly realized that this cabin was not made for people who were not on a very friendly basis, as they were basically glued to one another in order to fit in. The jerry cans containing fuel restricted the space in the cabin even further and she was overwhelmed with him, with his warmth just next to her, with his scent enveloping everything around them, with his presence, which you just couldn't deny.

Breathing became so difficult, and she tried to keep her thoughts on the fishing gear. She really didn't want to think about the effect he had on her, and how she was affected by his closeness. No sir, this was definitely taboo and she wouldn't be thinking about that.

Except it was all she could think about. Not only was he in her space, her living quarter, he was in her personal bubble. He was everywhere.

"Why do you have dog food in your cabin?" he asked suddenly, looking to the place where she stored everything.

"There's a wolf I sometimes see, and since I can't bring her raw meat without bringing her walkers, I grabbed that dog food on another ship."

"A wolf, hum?" He said. "Let me guess, she's very thin, very gray, and you know when you spot her that she could eat you alive if you crossed her?"

"That's Jolene," she confirmed nodding.

"Jolene?" He said and her thoughts were so incoherent, she barely knew what they were talking about. 

"Yay, Jolene. I liked the song."

He gave her a look, and she found herself singing in a low voice, "Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, I'm begging of you, please don't take my man, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, please don't take him just because you can."

She was no Dolly Parton, and she was so sure she looked ridiculous but his eyes were fixated on her, on her face, on her lips even. 

"And did she? Did Jolene take your man?" He asked and she would have sworn he had come closer.

"Well, you're still here, aren't you?" She found herself saying, looking at him with doe eyes, completely shocked by what she was saying, but unable to take it back or prevent herself from saying it.

That was when he kissed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Song is not mine, it's by Dolly Parton, and I love the lyrics...


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there's one more chapter and it will be a wrap

Carol leaned in and wrapped her arms around his neck. In for a penny, in for a pound, she thought she might as well make the most of the situation, and she was afraid this could be the only kiss to ever take place.

Daryl was completely focused on her, and she couldn't complain. She opened her eyes to take a good look at him, and he said against her lips:

"Shut your eyes, I feel like I'm making out with an owl."

She giggled against his mouth before moving her head into the crook of his neck, trying to catch her breath.

"How often do you make out with owls?" She asked.

"Why do you think I go out so often at night on my own?" He quipped and she laughed freely.

This was a side of him she knew existed, because it had come up a bunch of times when they were around one another, but to experience it fully was a delight. She breathed in, trying to forget about everything else for a minute or two, as he kissed her neck, and she slowly, but firmly pushed him away. She could see the surprise and conflict in his eyes, but they were two steps away from her bed, and she had a feeling that if she didn't put the brakes on this situation, things would happen very fast. The problem was that they hadn't talked, he hadn't heard or maybe listened to what she had to say because she was still struggling for words to make it understandable. A romp in the sack, though assured to be a delight would only complicate further a messy situation.

She looked at him, biting her lip, as her hand rested on his chest, and slowly let go of him, before managing to go around him and be back outside the boat. It was a different world. Inside, intimacy was not the only thing they would think of, but it was definitely there, just a breath away. One move could be the start of something new. Outside, the real world was waiting, with its dangers and its schemes.

He followed her outside, and she took pride in seeing that he looked short-breathed, meaning it had mattered to him and touched him as much as it had meant something for her. She was slowly coming to terms with the fact that, contrarily to everything Ed had said, other guys could want her, and maybe, love her. Ed had always made it sound like he was doing her a favor, and the rational part of her mind knew it was part of his abusive ways, but the rest of her had taken those words for granted. 

She went to sit near the railing, the boat slowly rocking on the water, and she waited for him to take a place. He chose to stay up, and she wasn't surprised. 

"Have you ever woken up one morning and realized that you actually missed the bastard who used to beat you?" She asked, not sure where to start, but knowing certain things had to be said.

"I have," He said, looking at the horizon, and she was struck once more by the many ways in which they understood each when the others didn't.

"It's not that I miss Ed, per se, I would like to believe that if he came back like "tada I'm alive", I would beat him into a bloody pulp in retribution for what he would do to me when he was alive. However, sometimes, and I ain't proud of it, sometimes I miss the life I had before, before the apocalypse started, before it was about surviving."

"You were already surviving when you were with Ed," Daryl said. "You were surviving for Sophia, and holding on to hope of something better for your little girl."

She felt tears, and was shocked by how quickly they had pooled in her eyes, triggered by merely a sentence. Then again, this was him, Daryl, and he probably knew more about her and the way she had lived than she gave him credit for. 

"Is that why you left?" He finally asked, and she realized she had been waiting for this question for what felt like forever. 

"I don't know," she said, trying to deal with the realizations as they came to her, while trying to give him an answer. "I really don't know. I know that if you had asked me ten minutes before I exited the zone, or ten minutes after I had, my answer would have been precise. Hell, if you had asked me yesterday morning, before Carl barged back into my life, my answer would have been as set in stone. I left to protect you all."

This made him sit down, as he stared at her with a perplexed expression.

"I saw the tapes, the audition you guys made before entering Alexandria. You never lied. You danced around the truth sometimes, but you never lied. I did. I lied through my teeth, talked about how much I missed Ed, and maybe I wasn't really lying, but I made myself look like a good wife."

"Ed was the shitty husband," he said.

"And your father was the shitty parent. Doesn't mean we don't feel things we shouldn't feel or that we didn't love them. I just lied on the tape, and pretended to be clueless about surviving. At first, it made sense, I wanted to be able to go around and to be inoffensive in everybody's eyes. However, you all started blending in, and you had that ability, because you hadn't lied, you had just played with the truth here and there, and the more we worked for it, the more Alexandria looked like a place you could all have a future in."

"We, not you. We."

"No, you. You guys could. I threatened to tie a boy who was younger than my Sophia to a tree outside the zone, and to leave him out to be eaten by walkers. I told him I would kill his mother too if he told anyone he had seen me grab some guns from the armory. That's not good. Olivia noticed the guns were missing, and she started asking questions, and I'm pretty sure she had a list of a couple of possible culprits, and my name would have been on top of that list. If she only talked to Sam... When I realized she was gunning for me, so to speak, I had to think. I had lied through my teeth, and pretended to be someone I was absolutely not. I had threatened a kid. I had stolen weapons. You guys were all doing so well, you had Aaron and Eric, and our people were starting to really become Alexandrians, and I couldn't bear the thought of us getting evicted because of my scheming. I couldn't bear the thought that Carl and Judith could be denied a moment of reprieve because of my lies. I thought about it, thoroughly, and it seemed like there was only one thing to do. I packed my things, and left. I planted the guns in one of the cars, in order to make it look like Aiden had stolen them. With me gone, and probably forgotten ten minutes after the door had hit my ass, Olivia would never think twice if the guns were found with Aiden's crew. You guys would be safe, and the lies I had told would never matter anymore. I was protecting you."

He looked like he didn't agree but she wasn't done, words kept coming and she found herself talking and talking.

"It was my reasoning, a small sacrifice for your lives. Who cared about the soccer mom who made cookies from applesauce? The cookies would missed more sorely than the cook. And my clan would be able to keep on living, to make their way and to probably become the leaders of the zone, something you could all turn into a safe haven, if only for a moment. I packed and left. I thought about going far away, but that was where you would look for me, so I decided to stay close. You don't go looking for people right outside your door when you think they have gone on the other side of the country."

It had fueled her, and helped her leave even when her heart had been breaking: she had been taking care of her people, after she had unknowingly put them at risk by trying to make sure they were safe. All she had to do was remove herself from the equation, and the suspicions Olivia entertained toward her would disappear.

"I was invisible anyway," she said.

"Not to us. Never to me. You were and always are the first person I look for whenever I come back from wherever. Even after you were gone, when I'd come back in the zone, and made my way to the house, I looked for you everywhere. A pink hippo could have been dancing in the streets and I wouldn't have seen it, because it's you I wanted to see."

"You need to ask Deanna for the camera they have, to take pictures of Judith, and her pink hippo. You also need to make sure Carl's so-called friends get in trouble for leaving him behind. They need to learn their lesson," she said, feeling anger at the thought of the boy dying because the others were cowards who had only played at being at war, but had never been in combat.

"You'll make sure they get what they deserve when you come back."

When she'd come back. There was no uncertainty in his words. Hadn't he heard how she had threatened Jessie's kid, how she had endangered them all? She had been a rabid dog, and she had needed to disappear so that people would not think that the rest of the clan had been infected by her madness...

"It's not that simple..."

"Only if you don't want it to be," Daryl said. "Come back with me, and we'll deal with what happened. The guns were planted on the right person if you ask me, and we could pretend you had PTSD and had lied on the tape without thinking you were lying. We can fix it all."

It sounded so much like "we could have it all", and she wanted to believe it was true.

"I don't know if I can do it," she said, terrified by how true it was. 

He looked at her, in silence, and she could almost hear the words of encouragement, the ones he would never say out loud, or maybe only on this boat when there was nobody around to spy on them.

"Alexandria, the zone... It's as close to civilization as we've ever been. I don't know if I can live in a civilized world anymore."

"You tried to run before, when we were at the church. You didn't think you could live with us anymore, and I know it has to do with the girls. You did what you had to do. Tyreese would never have let you do what you did if it wasn't the right thing to do."

"He couldn't do it... He couldn't fight anymore after I did what I had to do," she whispered, knots in her stomach, and tears trying to find an escape.

She tried to push it all back, to remain in control of her emotions, and her body, but something had broken inside her, and she found herself weeping silently, trying to look at the sea so as not to let him see what was going on. It was useless, and he came next to her, unsure what to do. He slowly put his arms around her, and the way he never flinched when she told him about the flowers and Mika and Lizzie, it was the last stroke. Weeping became ugly crying, and it just wouldn't stop. She spoke of the girls' death, of being the only one who knew what she had done and why she had done it after Tyreese had died, and how heavy a burden it was. 

"A child killer can never truly come back to civilization, and you shouldn't want one to." She said.

He didn't speak, only held her close, tight, as if he was afraid she would run away again, and maybe he had been right. She hadn't just tried to protect them by fleeing, she had fled.

Everything became a blur, and she blacked out.

She came to much later on, and realized she was in her bed, as nothing could be as uncomfortable as the bunk bed in the cabin, and her back screamed in pain. Every muscle in her was in pain, and she remembered crying maniacally, and holding on tight to Daryl, probably hurting him though he never made a sound, as grief had decided that it was time for her to stop ignoring it. She remembered her hands and arms clenched around herself, as she had tried to keep herself together, like she could force herself to get a grip by physically keep herself together. She remembered that he had held her through it all, and she remembered the sound of his voice against her ear, soothing her, trying to get her to let go, though the words he had spoken were a blur. She only remembered his tone, and the way it had made her feel. Pain was okay. Pain needed to be processed, and she had kept it bottled in for way too long. Her whole body was proof of that, as everything hurt and felt like she would turn to dust any seconds now having abused her real strength. 

She looked around but couldn't see him in the cabin, so she forced herself up, and slowly made her way outside. 

He was on the deck, scrutinizing the horizon, his crossbow ready to fire, every sense alert. It reminded her of the way he used to sleep on the porch of the house, to keep them all safe, she realized.

"Hey," she whispered and he turned to see her.

There was pain in his eyes, and it made her want to weep again: he had no choice but to feel and share her pain, that was who he was, and she loved him for that. He needed to process what she had said, and understand some of the things she had exposed.

She came to sit next to him and said:

"Sorry."

"Not allowed. You don't get to be sorry for being human. Otherwise I want a free pass too, and you know you don't want to give me one."

She shook her head, too weak to make a witty comeback.

"I would have taken us back to the boat shelter, but I didn't know how to operate this thing," he said.

"It's okay, we should be safe."

Drained, she put her head on his shoulder, and was just about to fall asleep again. She felt him stir and she opened her eyes, as he pointed to something on the shore.

"Jolene," She said, with a sad smile, as she spotted the wolf. 

It was looking at them they could tell, and it was standing still. Carol wondered if the wolf was trying to convey something.

"Jolene," she said again, just a whisper. 

"Trust you to get a wolf as a pet," he said hoarsely, and she giggled. 

"Jolene is no pet."

"Jolene is basically you, in wolf shape."

She wanted to say that he was wrong but there was something in the way the wolf looked at her, like it knew her, knew what she was feeling... Jolene was no pet, Jolene was so much more than that. Carol couldn't prove it, but from the first day she had crossed paths with the wolf, she had felt like they shared the burden of having lost their cubs. It was something in the way they had connected right away, two wild animals, who with a shared glance had recognized one of their own.

"Jolene's cubs were eaten by walkers," she said.

"Did she tell you that?" He asked.

"I can tell. When we met, we exchanged the secret handshake, or paw shake."

It was supposed to be funny, but it made them both sad.

Jolene looked at them another time, then ran away to protect itself for the night.

Daryl put an arm around Carol's shoulders, and she stayed there, on the deck with him, until the sun came up and they could drive the boat back to the shelter. They went to bed in silence after it was done, and were both sound asleep in no time no matter how terrible the mattress was.

TWDTWDTWD

When they woke up again, it took her some time to remember where she was and who was with her. You got used to being alone so fast. She remembered the multiple realizations that she had had the day before and there was an ache in her body, like she had run a marathon. She looked at him, and marveled at the expression of peace that adorned his features. She remembered when she barely knew him, at the very beginning, and when he would say things about being Zen. She wondered if he ever really knew what Zen was, because it was the first time he looked like he had it down to an art. 

She wanted to kiss him. Nothing new here. She felt something poking against her side, something that would get her killed if she ever dared refer to it as "Little Daryl". She knew he wanted her, the kiss the day before had been a testament to that, but she still wondered if it was a male instinctive response or if even in his sleep, he was aware that she was there.

She started to get up but a strong arm grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back in.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

She had so many witty comebacks on the tip of her tongue but he was just too charming when in protective mode even thought he was barely awake.

"To use the bathroom."

"You have a bathroom?"

"It's that door in front of us. I need to check the tank to see if there's water for a shower."

"Just don't put back your soccer mom attire when you're done."

"Please. I burnt those clothes when I gave up that persona."

He loosened his grip and she went into the small room. Ten minutes later, she was trying to find the courage to come out and face him. What he now knew... She could barely fathom what he had to think of her.

Since waiting around gave her no relief so she finished adjusting her clothes then came out.

He was sitting on the bunk, rubbing his eyes, looking like a sleepy child.

She wanted to jump his bones then and there.

"Your bed is really shitty," he said. "I've had better sleep on the front porch of the house."

"I was going to steal a new mattress, for the future," she said, getting closer.

"It would be useless, since you're coming back."

She sighed.

"Daryl..."

"I'll rephrase that. You can come back, or I can move in. Your choice."

"Move in?" She repeated, blinded by the thought. "Do you even know how to fish?"

"Nope," he said with a smile, stretching on the bed, and she was once again very much aware of things she wanted to do to him. "You'll fish. I'll be a kept man, for a change." 

She had a feeling he was lying and knew how to fish, but he was doing things to her brain and she could only do her best not to let him forget what they were discussing.

"You would never leave Lil Ass Kicker without her brutish uncle," she said.

"Neither would you."

"I did, once," she said, thinking back to how hard it had been to leave them all behind, how painful it had been to kiss Judith goodbye and assume it would be the last time she would see her.

"Your choice babe. We go back, or we steal a new mattress, or a bigger boat."

He was trying to keep things light, and she loved him for it.

"I guess we will have to go back then."

"I thought so," he said, before looking at her extremely seriously. "Though, Carol, don't run away again. If you want to, or feel the need to, yell, and tell me, or don't tell me and just tell me we're going away for some time. You and I, we're..."

She came closer to him and put her hands around his face, as he looked up to her.

"Mates?' She offered. "Not as in the English slang, but as wolves who have mates? If I am like my friendly wolf, you have to admit, you are like one too. And you're putting me in charge. Wolves are a matriarchal society. The females decide and the males obey."

There was a brief look in his eyes, that screamed "command me to fuck you", but he forced himself to get back to the point.

"Yes. We're a thing, together, mates. We run in the same pack and all."

"I think you're overusing the metaphor," she said with a shy smile, glad to hear him acknowledge their bond.

"I wasn't aware it was a metaphor at all. We're wolves. The other are wolves too, except Eugene, who is some sort of pervy platypus..."

She laughed and he slid his arms around her waist.

"If you feel like things are too much, that civilization is getting to you, that you need to deal with some shits, do not leave me behind. You know I will only follow like the whipped boy you turned me into. So spare us both some agony, and make me tag along."

He looked so fragile, and she felt like she would melt any moment now.

"I promise," she said, moved by the commitment he was expressing even though he knew what she had done and the sins she had to atone for.

"Good. Good. We'll make it work, at the zone. Our people want you back, more than they want I don't know, electricity back. We'll make it work, as a team. They'll understand. The Alexandrians... Some of them are already filling paperwork to become pack members of our clan so..." he said, wanting her to feel like she could come back, and she should come back.

She nodded, though she felt anxiety at the thought of making a comeback. She was about to offer him breakfast when he tickled her side and said:

"Wanna fuck? Before we leave this boat, we should totally fuck in this awkward bed. People will assume we did it anyway," he said, pulling her closer and winking.

"Oh my God, the romance is already gone!" She pretended to lament before letting him pull her in bed with him.

If everybody would assumed they had, surely they couldn't disappoint.

"I love you," he said gruffly.

"I love you too".

Then he proceeded to make her forget all about words, and the world, kissing her like she could leave again tomorrow, giving her one very positive memory of this shitty bunk.


	8. Chapter 8

They had taken another day before coming back, as she needed to get ready to do something she had never thought she would have to do. She had been getting ready for an eternity on a boat, or maybe just a lifetime when time went by slowly. It was not about collecting her stuff, it was more about collecting herself and giving them one more day when it was just the two of them, and they could collectively or independently deal with what they had learnt, and what would come next.

They had done an inventory of all the things she had collected and set in motion, and they had decided to bring her ship back to the pier which was two miles away from the zone, so that they could show to the others how she had lived, and that there were resources accessible in Alexandria. It would always be risky, but they were living in a world of danger. There were things to be learnt from her experience in the harbor.

She had repacked her things and driven the boat to the pier. He jumped off when they were anchored, but she needed another minute. There were plenty of good memories now associated to that boat, thanks to the last day and a half. They had talked, they had been intimate, made love, and they had fucked. For example, she hadn’t known that her small bathroom could be used by two persons but when doing the beast with two backs, it could.

She blushed before jumping off the boat. She locked all the locks and added some tree branches Daryl was handing her. She wanted to take the car to drive them back to the zone, but he insisted on walking, and she was glad he had. She needed that time to process it all. Time was a luxury and since they could indulge for once, as there was still some daylight, she enjoyed it. They walked side by side, their hands brushing, sometimes reaching for the other to pat their arms, or just to walk for a few steps together. They didn't really speak, and she didn't need it. 

Then, way too early to her taste, they found themselves in front of the zone. He banged on the door, yelling his name, and she was hit with fear, and doubt.

"I can't... I just can't... Take me back to the boat, take me back to my boat!" She asked without breathing, feeling like she needed to be back there.

"You'll do fine. I'm here. The clan is here. You earned your place here. But if you really want to, we'll turn around," he added, true to his word.

How tempting it was, to turn back and leave like Adam and Eve…

"Please... Just take that decision for me," she begged, putting her head on his shoulder.

"Your wish is my command," he said, and before she knew what was happening, he had lifted her up on his shoulder, her legs hanging in front of him as her front was meeting his back.

This made her laugh, and she dropped the backpack she had been carrying.

"I sure am enjoying the view," she joked though she tried to regain a posture that was not so unladylike.

"Knew you only liked me for my ass..." Daryl said, keeping her in place.

"Well it is one of your best features... Why do you have dog food in your pocket?" She suddenly asked.

She managed to gain some equilibrium and got her head back up, watching the road they had taken.

"Why is there a trail of dog food up till here?"

She looked at him, her arms reaching for the side of his neck, to keep herself in place, and to force him to look at her.

"You've been Little Thumbing Jolene!" She exclaimed, actually surprised.

He blushed, and said:

"You exchanged the secret paw shake. We owed her that much."

And she was back to melting. Carefully he loosened his grip on her and she slid down his body, kissing him as soon as she was back on the ground.

Focused on him and his hands on her, she barely heard the door opening, and they broke apart blushing when they heard:

"Nice one!"

Daryl flipped the bird to Eric who was on duty, then he emptied his pocket from whatever dog food was left in there.

"Seems like Jolene did steal my man..." She said with a happy smile.

"Feels more like she stole my woman, and I'm discussing custody arrangements with the mutt," he said, trying to sound like he hadn't done the most adorable thing ever.

She kissed him again.

And she finally turned around to face her people, who had started gathering as Eric had clamored that she was back.

With Daryl close to her, she entered the zone once again.

 

TWDTWDTWD

 

They had gotten rid of their weapons, and everybody had deserted the job they were supposed to be doing in order to meet Carol. Even Abraham left the field where he was working when he heard through the talkie network that the matriarch was back.

When entering, Carol had been all but assaulted by Maggie and Sasha, who had run into her arms crying. Daryl had grabbed her backpack, and they had made their way to the house, with her arms filled with the two weeping women.

"I know I shouldn't have left without a word," she told them, trying to appease them, kissing their forehead and rubbing their faces liked they were 8 and needed their mama to kiss a booboo better. "Please don't cry. I'm back. I'm sorry. But I'm back."

From what Carl and Daryl had told her, Carol had understood that Maggie was especially missing her, but she hadn't expected Sasha to be part of the weeping welcoming comity. Then again, Carol was probably her only link left to her brother.... Carol thought to herself that when her reintegration was dealt with, she would sit with Sasha, and talk about the Tyreese she had known, share some of her memories of the loving man they had lost. Sasha deserved that much.

"You can't leave again", Maggie said. "You just can't. We've lost too many people and you can't leave. You really just can't"

"I know and I won't."

"You don't know. I'm pregnant, Carol, and I'm scared. How am I supposed to do it if you're not there?"

Glenn obviously knew about the pregnancy and decided not to take as an insult what Maggie had said, though she made it sound like he was no help.

"I'm sorry I did what I did in such an untimely fashion. But I'm here. And you're pregnant!" Carol said, hoping to cheer the girl up. "Judith will get a friend to play with her!"

Maggie giggled through her tears, and Carol knew her outburst had nothing to do with hormones, as some of the Alexandrians who had gathered around them seemed to be thinking. Maggie had witnessed Lori's pregnancy from the very beginning to the very end, and she had to be scared shitless. Carol was probably the closest thing to a mother figure she had, and as any woman who first discovered they were with child, Maggie had needed her to tell her it would be okay.

Sasha's outburst was more complicated to explain, and Carol knew there was a mix of anxiety and PTSD and more things she couldn't name. She had unwillingly made the woman feel completely vulnerable again when she had been pretending to be made of steel. 

She had known, that even if not everyone saw it or knew it, she mattered, and she played a part in their little family, but seeing her friends in so much pain and fear made her feel even worse about her escaping. So they sat in the house, away from people who were not family, and Carol had done her best to make her beloved friends/daughters forgive her.

She saw Judith too, and it almost took her breath away. The baby had been waiting for her, and was babbling in baby talk when she saw her. She didn't cry, she looked at peace, and Carol thought that she took from her uncle and his supposedly Zen power.

Rick hugged her tight and didn't say a word, and they both knew that she would be the one doing the talking when she was ready. Glenn hugged her too, told her he had missed her, and that he didn't know how to make Maggie less afraid.

"We'll work on it, don't worry."

They all came, all the wolves, the whole pack, and the pervy platypus who was shedding a new skin and turning into a lupine form too. Carol was feeling so many things, she was overwhelmed. However, she wanted people to stop crying, or pouting. Michonne had hugged her so tight, then she had gone away, like she was mad. Carol had found her in front of the house she lived in, taking care of her horse.

"What's her name?" Carol had asked.

Michonne looked at her for the longest time, and Carol could see the wheels turning in her head. Carol was making the first step, and though she was not apologizing, she was making gestures to let the other woman know that she knew she should have come to her and discussed her trouble with her instead of going away. All those jokes about packs... 

"Mare," Michonne finally said, and Carol laughed:

"Straight to the point."

"If you'd been there, you could have given some input," Michonne said.

"She is yours. I could have told this was nice, or this was nice, at the end of the day, she is your horse. And I'm sure she has no issue with being called "Mare."

Michonne offered the woman the brush to groom her horse, and Carol had known they were on the right path to repairing their relationship.

The afternoon was spent greeting her people, trying to mend fences when needed. Carl had come out from school and had run to Carol, saying something about knowing Daryl would bring her back. Carol just ruffled his hair and smiled.

Daryl had been staying a step back, letting her reconnect with everybody, though she had the distinct feeling he had been doing some crowd control too. He had allowed Aaron and Eric to come and greet her, but Jessie and Olivia had been told to give her time. She was thankful for his discrete but powerful part. She kept on smiling, but her heart was breaking with every new person who told her she shouldn't have left and they had missed her. She had been so sure she was doing the right thing... Next time she would talk to Daryl, and Michonne too, and probably Rick, before doing something like this again. People were welcoming her again, but they could have turned their back on her, and she wouldn’t have blamed them. Rosita and Tara had been discrete in their greetings, but everybody had turned up for her.

They saw her as the matriarch, and she could be to them if they needed her too. Daryl had whispered in her ear at some point "the pain of being the alpha of your pack... You're doing fine."

She had laughed softly and had apologized to her friends. She was not stupid, she knew some of the forgiveness that was being given to her would be withdrawn or second guessed in the following days, but she had no doubt she could win them all back. They were her people, and if they had missed her, she had missed them, and she was ready to do whatever was needed to make them feel like they could rely on her again. She would clean up her mess.

At some point as the sun was setting, Deanna showed up, with Rick in tow, and Carol came to meet her, saying:

"We need to talk. You should prepare the camera."

They had agreed that Carol would come to meet her in ten minutes.

Taking comfort in all the people who were around her, in their love, in their trust, and remembering the things Daryl and her had discussed, she went in, for her new interview.

Almost an hour later, she exited the house, feeling drained. There would be things she would need to discuss with Rick and Daryl, because she had been honest this time, and had blamed her previous behavior on PTSD and fear of not fitting in. It was not a lie, it was a creative way of describing what had prompted her to lie on tape, and she would be given a new assignment. She hoped it would be with teaching the kids to survive. She had told Deanna about the way she had rescued Carl, and how the other kids had left him behind to die, to make appoint about how everybody needed to learn to defend themselves just in case.

Deanna has said she would think about it.

As she made her way back to the street where their houses were located, she heard Daryl scream:

"Open the fucking door Eric. And if you shoot it, I'll shoot you."

The entrance gate had slowly opened. Carol had walked faster to them, and she had smiled when she had seen Jolene, standing on the other side of the gate, eyeing everybody and assessing their threat levels. 

"Come on Jolene," Daryl had said, and Carol had seen the way he wanted to offer her his hand to sniff. 

The wolf took a few seconds to decide, and spotted her. Jolene entered the compound, and walked close to Daryl, as the gate was immediately closed after the wolf. Carol came to stand next to him, and held back a joke about him trying to greet the wolf with a fist bump.

Instead, she said:

"Thank you."

He didn't say anything, but she could read what he wanted to say in his eyes.

She walked to face the wolf, dragging Daryl by the hand with her.

"Hello old friend," she told the wolf. "Welcome home."

Whatever came next, she was ready, and she would have sworn Jolene had nodded. They walked back to the house, Daryl explaining that he had moved his belongings in Carol's room, and saying that he would find something for Jolene to sleep on if she wanted to. Their hips were bumping on the way, and their hands brushing. Jolene walked next to them, and she looked like she was rolling her eyes, which made Carol want to laugh like a hyena. A wolf was judging them for being lovesick teenagers.

Carol was exhausted, but back where she belonged. There was no place like home, even if home was a pack and not a place. Jolene didn't even blink when it came next to Mare, and Carol felt invincible.

They got in, the scent of food welcoming them.

"Welcome home too", Daryl told her, before entering, and she followed, with her four legged friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is the end. Drop a word if you feel so inclined. I hope you liked this story. I had a blast writing it. If you have ideas for new fics, continuations of more, you can let me know here or at tiramisu-misu on tumblr.


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